I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
