Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
