I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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