She said her name was "party"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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