Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
