If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
