I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
