Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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