im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
