did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
