this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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