wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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