What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
