the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
