Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
