wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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