About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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