Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
