ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
