This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You made out with two different species that night
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
