Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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