So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
