I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize