Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
