I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
