Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
