My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
