you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
