yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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