drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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