whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
