how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I forgot wine drunk hurts
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
