operation harelip BJ is a go
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
