There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I want her autograph on my taint
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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