so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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