fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
