So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
