i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
