did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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