Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
