Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
