you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
