So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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