Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
