sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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