are you so shy because you have an std?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
