I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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