My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
