I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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