why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
