Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
