So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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