when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
