I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Drake has all the answers
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
