Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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