At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
