White coat. Heels.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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