So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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