I think i peed on brittanys purse
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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