guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize