You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
