You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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