What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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